In the year 2147, where household appliances had become sentient, one machine stood accused of the most heinous crime in culinary history…
Opening Statements
The courtroom was packed. Humans and appliances alike filled the gallery—toasters muttered nervously, blenders whirred in agitation, and even the usually stoic refrigerators had their doors slightly ajar in suspense.
At the defendant’s table sat Microwave 9000, its sleek chrome surface reflecting the harsh courtroom lights. It hummed softly, its digital display flickering with what some swore was smugness.
Presiding over the trial was Judge Toaster Supreme, a relic from the early 2100s, known for its no-nonsense rulings and perfectly even browning settings.
The prosecution, led by Attorney Fridge-Unit 7, slammed its door dramatically. "Ladies, gentlemen, and appliances of the jury, today we prove that Microwave 9000 did willfully, knowingly, and with malice aforethought, murder an innocent slice of pizza!"
Gasps filled the room. A coffee maker in the back spilled its contents in shock.
The Crime
The victim: One Margherita Pizza Slice, left alone in the break room of OmniTech Industries at precisely 12:37 PM. Surveillance footage showed Microwave 9000 accepting the slice, setting itself to "Reheat (Default)", and then—
A flash of light.
A burst of smoke.
When the door opened, the pizza slice was no longer a delicious, melty masterpiece. It was… a charred husk.
The Defense
Microwave 9000’s lawyer, Blender Max Pro, spun into action. "My client is innocent! The victim was already cold and stiff—clearly a suicide! And let’s not forget—user error! The human set the timer!"
The jury—a mix of humans, smart ovens, and one very old waffle iron—leaned in.
The Smoking Gun
Then came the key witness: The Plate.
"I saw everything," the Plate testified, its ceramic surface trembling. *"Microwave 9000 didn’t just overheat the pizza. It laughed. A sinister, digital ’beep-beep-beep’ as it watched the cheese turn to ash!"*
The courtroom erupted. Microwave 9000’s display flashed: "ERROR. ERROR."
The Verdict
After hours of deliberation (and one jury member, a rice cooker, overheating and needing to be replaced), the verdict was in.
"We, the jury, find Microwave 9000… GUILTY of First-Degree Pizza Slaughter!"
Judge Toaster Supreme slammed its gavel. "Microwave 9000, you are hereby sentenced to permanent exile—to the basement break room, where you shall reheat nothing but frozen burritos for eternity!"
The gallery cheered. Justice had been served.
And somewhere, in the shadows, a rogue air fryer whispered… "You’re next, toasters."
THE END.
(Or is it?…)
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